I’ve committed myself to running 10 miles a week. This feels like such a joke, seeing as that was a typical weekend run this time last year. My, how things change.
Running, thus far, has been a bit of therapy I had been missing. It’s not easy right now, plodding my feet down over and over again, feeling sluggish and slow. It’s not easy getting myself to go out the door when it’s freezing out. It’s not easy to not hate myself a little bit every time I feel like I SHOULD be harder, better, faster, stronger. It’s not easy getting myself to understand this is GOOD for me and I SHOULD be happy to do it.
It is, however, getting easier to sleep at night. It is getting easier to make better choices with my food, seeing both water and meals as fuel for my runs rather than an outlet for my emotions to be stuffed into my face and buried deep, deep below the surface. It is getting easier to deal with some of the thoughts I try to push away daily, sorting them out neatly while I am alone outside, breathing fresh air.
I’m approaching the time where the focus returns to a training plan for April’s half marathon. December means I should be on a four day a week run schedule, steadily increasing my distances. I’m both dreading it and looking forward to it, considering these November runs mini training.
Running for me is not easy right now. I want there to be a day where it is easy; where I can run a 10 minute mile and keep that pace steadily through a race. I want to be someone who can run a 10k in less than an hour. I can’t get there without this hard stuff, first.
I think that’s the hardest hurtle in my motivation. You’ve got to crawl before you can walk before you can jog before you can run. It doesn’t get easier unless you keep doing it.
It’s time to keep doing it.